Attention everyone, there are a few things I'd like to say:
1 2 3. 4, 5, 6 7 8 9 and 10. 11 12 and 13. However, 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 and 21, so 22 23 24. 25, 26 27 28 29. 30 31 32 33 34; 35, 36 37 and 38. Not only 39 40 41, but also 42 43 and 44. 45 46, and 47 48.
49. 50.
51 52 53 54. 55 56 57 and 58 59 60. Furthermore, 61. Thus, 62.
But 63! And 64 65 66 67! 68!
69 70, 71 72 73 74 75. 76 and 77, but 78, 79, and 80.
In conclusion, 81 82 83. 84, 85, 86. 87. 88 89 90.
91.
92.
93, 94. 95 96 97 98 99: 100.
Thank you.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009 is the Worst Year to Date
This is a no-brainer. This new year (or stu-year, as I like to call it, which is short for stupid-dumb-bad-suck year) is the worst year to date. Before you disagree, let me take you on a roller coaster of reasons that will rigorously prove this claim. If afterwards you aren't feeling sick and throwing up, you can redeem your ticket stub at the front gate for a complimentary lunchbox. Why 2009 sucks:
1. Holidays
This new year has not had any good holidays. Compare it to the hundreds, no - thousands, no - dozens of holidays we had in 2008. Christmas? Yep, I remember Christmas 2008. Of course, being Jewish I can only appreciate the joy and happiness that comes with Christmas from afar, but I haven't even had that option in 2009. Does anyone remember Christmas 2009? Didn't think so. What about birthdays? I haven't had a birthday in 2009. I had a birthday literally every year before this one - 2008, yep, 2007, also yep, 1995 yes, 642 yes, 21 BCE yes yes yes, yes to all those other years, yes and yes. 2009? Nope. And all the other fun holidays? 2009 is missing all of them: Daylight saving time, Presidents Day, Vice-presidents Day, Stop Eating and Breathing Week, Steal Like a Pirate Day, etc. Come on, 2009, you call yourself a year? I'll believe it when I see it, and I guarantee I won't see it because you decided to skip over annual Seeing and Looking month.
2. The Arts
In 2008, there were literally 12 billion new music albums released. Britney Spears released an album in 2008. Beyonce released an album in 2008. Rapper Ludacris was responsible for the other 11,999,999,998. Compare this to the 2009 music scene: Britney and Beyonce are both tied with a whopping 0 albums released in 2009, and Ludacris is slacking with only 6 billion. Of course, being Jewish only lets me appreciate this kind of music from afar, but this near-halt of the music industry in 2009 affects me too. Other art industries are the same. Anybody seen any good movies released in 2009? I sure haven't. Granted, I illegally pirated a copy of 2009: A Space Odyssey on Steal Like a Pirate Day 2008, so I'm a little ahead of the average movie-goer. Aside from that though, there have been none. It's the same for everything: Books, comic books, graphic novels, picture books, books with pictures in them, books with graphics, you name it. Every other year has produced more and better of all of these than 2009. Even blogs, too. There have been a total of 0 (edit: 1) blog posts in 2009, far fewer than there were in 2008, and every year before that all the way back to 1863 when Abraham Lincoln started the still popular blog Stuff White People Like.
3. Births of Famous People
Michael Jordan was born in 1963. Larry Bird was born in 1956. Bill Murray was born in 1950. Question: What do these three famous people have in common? Answer: None of them were born in 2009. Another answer: They were all actors in the hit movie Space Jam. Space Jam was released (born, some may say) in 1996 (see above for movies released not in 2009). Fact: Literally hundreds of babies are born each year. Some of them grow up to be famous basketball players or famous Bill Murrays (There may have been a Bill Murray born in 2009, but certainly not a famous one). Fact: Every famous basketball player and every famous Bill Murray was born before 2009.
Clearly 2009 falls short as a year. If, somehow, it manages to pull its head out of its ass and starts having some holidays, starts releasing good art, and starts producing some famous people, I will write a post apologizing profusely to 2009 and its friends and family. Until then, however, I remain skeptical.
1. Holidays
This new year has not had any good holidays. Compare it to the hundreds, no - thousands, no - dozens of holidays we had in 2008. Christmas? Yep, I remember Christmas 2008. Of course, being Jewish I can only appreciate the joy and happiness that comes with Christmas from afar, but I haven't even had that option in 2009. Does anyone remember Christmas 2009? Didn't think so. What about birthdays? I haven't had a birthday in 2009. I had a birthday literally every year before this one - 2008, yep, 2007, also yep, 1995 yes, 642 yes, 21 BCE yes yes yes, yes to all those other years, yes and yes. 2009? Nope. And all the other fun holidays? 2009 is missing all of them: Daylight saving time, Presidents Day, Vice-presidents Day, Stop Eating and Breathing Week, Steal Like a Pirate Day, etc. Come on, 2009, you call yourself a year? I'll believe it when I see it, and I guarantee I won't see it because you decided to skip over annual Seeing and Looking month.
2. The Arts
In 2008, there were literally 12 billion new music albums released. Britney Spears released an album in 2008. Beyonce released an album in 2008. Rapper Ludacris was responsible for the other 11,999,999,998. Compare this to the 2009 music scene: Britney and Beyonce are both tied with a whopping 0 albums released in 2009, and Ludacris is slacking with only 6 billion. Of course, being Jewish only lets me appreciate this kind of music from afar, but this near-halt of the music industry in 2009 affects me too. Other art industries are the same. Anybody seen any good movies released in 2009? I sure haven't. Granted, I illegally pirated a copy of 2009: A Space Odyssey on Steal Like a Pirate Day 2008, so I'm a little ahead of the average movie-goer. Aside from that though, there have been none. It's the same for everything: Books, comic books, graphic novels, picture books, books with pictures in them, books with graphics, you name it. Every other year has produced more and better of all of these than 2009. Even blogs, too. There have been a total of 0 (edit: 1) blog posts in 2009, far fewer than there were in 2008, and every year before that all the way back to 1863 when Abraham Lincoln started the still popular blog Stuff White People Like.
3. Births of Famous People
Michael Jordan was born in 1963. Larry Bird was born in 1956. Bill Murray was born in 1950. Question: What do these three famous people have in common? Answer: None of them were born in 2009. Another answer: They were all actors in the hit movie Space Jam. Space Jam was released (born, some may say) in 1996 (see above for movies released not in 2009). Fact: Literally hundreds of babies are born each year. Some of them grow up to be famous basketball players or famous Bill Murrays (There may have been a Bill Murray born in 2009, but certainly not a famous one). Fact: Every famous basketball player and every famous Bill Murray was born before 2009.
Clearly 2009 falls short as a year. If, somehow, it manages to pull its head out of its ass and starts having some holidays, starts releasing good art, and starts producing some famous people, I will write a post apologizing profusely to 2009 and its friends and family. Until then, however, I remain skeptical.
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